For years, I wrestled with the idea of leaving my marriage. It wasn't just a difficult marriage—it was mutually toxic and intolerable. There were no easy answers, only a sea of guilt, fear, and confusion that seemed to drown out any hope of resolution. As a Christian, I believed in the sanctity of marriage and I also believed in God’s ability to redeem the broken. But what happens when staying feels like you're losing yourself, and leaving feels like a betrayal of your faith, never mind breaking your vow?
I had tried everything to fix my marriage: marriage counseling, prayer, and self-help books. But the harder I worked, the more I realized that no amount of effort could heal what was fundamentally broken. My identity was tied to being a "good wife," yet I felt like I was failing at both being a wife and a believer. I was stuck in a cycle of shame, unable to see a way out without feeling like I was letting God down.
Adding to the confusion was my own history with Christianity, which was skewed by legalistic religious practices. These practices fed my insecurities and influenced my decisions in negative ways, making me feel that I had to strive for perfection to be loved by God. I believed my worth was tied to how well I followed the rules, and that mindset kept me trapped in an unhealthy situation far longer than I should have been.
That’s when I realized that my struggle wasn’t just about my marriage—it was about control. I was trying to fix everything on my own, believing that my worth and faithfulness were tied to keeping my marriage intact. In my desperation, I finally surrendered. I laid my pain, my fears, and my need for control at the feet of Jesus.
Surrendering wasn’t easy. It felt like admitting defeat, like giving up on everything I thought I was supposed to be. But as I poured out my heart to Jesus, something incredible happened. He didn’t condemn me; He comforted me. He didn’t hand me a plan; He gave me peace. And in that peace, I found clarity.
The clarity didn’t come all at once. It came in moments of quiet conviction, in Scripture that spoke directly to my heart, and in the wise counsel of people I trusted. God didn’t tell me to leave overnight. Instead, He showed me that He valued me as His child—that my worth wasn’t tied to a role or a relationship but to Him. He gently revealed that staying in a marriage where both parties were hurting each other wasn’t honoring to Him, to my spouse, or to myself.
Through prayer and guidance, I made the decision to leave. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but it was also one of the most freeing. For the first time, I wasn’t acting out of fear or guilt but out of obedience to the God who loves me. I wasn’t walking away from my marriage; I was walking toward the life God had for me.
The transition wasn’t without pain. Divorce is never easy, and the aftermath brought its own challenges. But through it all, Jesus was my anchor. He reminded me daily that His grace is sufficient, that His power is made perfect in weakness, and that His plans for me are good.
Looking back, I can see how surrendering to Jesus was the turning point. It wasn’t about giving up on my marriage—it was about giving in to His will. I learned that surrender isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a declaration of trust. It’s saying, “God, I can’t do this on my own, but I know You can.”
If you’re struggling in a toxic or intolerable situation, know this: God sees you. He knows your pain, and He doesn’t ask you to carry it alone. Surrender isn’t the end of the story; it’s the beginning of freedom. When we let go of control, we make room for His healing, His guidance, and His peace. And in that surrender, we find the courage to step into the life He’s calling us to—a life of hope, restoration, and unimaginable grace.
